Our Lens and Self-Deception

“I am not deceived, it is everybody else! Those bone heads…”

Our "Lens" in which we see our World

We see our life through our biases, experiences, heartaches, emotions, and justifications; our “Lens”. Our Lens may also distort how the world Really is. Therefore, we must ask the question, “Is how I am seeing my world, the truth, or are my Lens distorting it to fit my agenda?” Here is a big clue: If you are seeing others as means to an end, an object, or something to be used; then you are self-deceived. You are not seeing the world as it Really is. We are all self-deceived, to some degree.

Self-deception is a very slippery slope. It begins as an innocent thought to help another:

1. Hold open a door for someone behind you

2. Help someone with a heavy bag

3. Fill the car with gas for your bride

4. etc...

When we don’t follow through with that innocent thought, the result is self-betrayal and it begins to grow deep roots that form our perception of others and our world; our "Lens". We begin to see our world differently, more like, the others are a means to an end, to be used, they are inferior to us. We begin to convince ourselves that the world IS actually how we see it through our Lens. Then we look for justification to reinforce how we see our world. Typical response from someone in self-deception is:

1. “They can open their own door, they're capable. I don’t feel well today anyway”

2. “My arms are already full". They shouldn’t have bought so much. I am running late”

3. “Since my bride didn’t clean the house yesterday, lazy woman, I will teach her lesson and not fill up the car”

When we betray ourselves, we see others more as objects, rather than what they really are: people just like us, with fears, needs, aspirations, disappointments and hurts; a fellow human being. What gets in our way to see the truth, is our Lens.

There are 4 steps to self-deception:

1. We don't honor what we know we should: resulting in self-betrayal

2. We begin seeing others as objects: not people just like us

3. We begin justifying why we didn't do what we know we should have: fortifying our Lens

4. We seek commiseration to confirm why we see the world as we do

Self-deception in our relationships doesn't begin with others, it begins with us, and our self-betrayal. We cannot see our relationships as they actually are when we are self-deceived. While we are self-deceived we are focused on us, not others, or solutions. We blame others because we did not honor what we should have. Ouch!

Please note: ALL social skill issues are rooted in our self-betrayal.

When we think we are self-deceived: "How we fix our lens to view others as they truly are"?

Well, to change your Lens, behavior alone will not do it. To understand the personal change that needs to happen, we must first understand that our results in life are driven by our habits, our habits are formed by our behaviors, and our behaviors are rooted in our thoughts, hence that is exactly where our self-betrayal resides, our thoughts.

To get out of self-deception or not be self-deceived, the solution is very simple,:

1. Honor what we know we should do for others

We need to view others as people just like us with dreams, fears, hurts, emotions, successes and failures; not objects to be used or conquered.

Recognizing our self-deception is critical in living a meaningful life, because viewing life through your Lens is the only way you can interpret and respond to your world.

If your Lens is rooted in your self-deception, so will be your life.